Prologue: Deadly Secrets
by smithANDnoble
Summary: The truth behind Harry's reason for leaving Sarah and the Doctor is a lie so horrible it leads to him not being able to face Sarah. Notes: This is the prologue to "Where There's Life, There's Hope" which begins when Sarah steps out of the TARDIS. Please comment if more is wanted
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Deadly Secrets

**Rating:** Teen for Subject Matter

**Prompts:** Angst, Loss, Tragedy, Lies, Memory Wipe

**Time Frame: **After Revenge of the Cybermen, but before Terror of the Zygons

**Synopsis:** The truth behind Harry's reason for leaving Sarah and the Doctor is a lie so horrible it leads to him not being able to face Sarah

**Notes: **This is the prologue to **"Where There's Life, There's Hope" **which begins when Sarah steps out of the TARDIS. Please comment if more is wanted

It was a couple months after the Doctor had regenerated in front of her eyes when Sarah realized something was wrong. She had been feeling tired, and her stomach was constantly upset. The Doctor had told her it had to do with the whole of her time traveling, but one calendar check on one of her visits home told her something different.

"Doctor.." Sarah Jane approached the Doctor inside the TARDIS, Harry was off wandering the corridors amazed by all the new things he'd find. "Do you have a moment?" Sarah Jane went on... "I.. There's something I need to speak to you about."

"Sarah, I always I have a moment for you." The Doctor smiled when he looked up from his work; then asked, "What may I do for you?"

"Well, it's a personal matter.."

"Okay, Sarah; I'm listening."

"I have this problem; well, it's not a problem really, it just that since you changed... regenerated I mean, you've avoided talking about what happened between us." Sarah wasn't sure just how to handle this; tread lightly with him being so new, or just come out with it and hope for the best. "Before we went to that place; Metebelis Three, with the spiders. Did I do something wrong?"

"Something wrong? How?"

"Well you haven't said anything about it, about us." Sarah began to chew on her bottom lip; maybe he didn't want to remember. It was her worst fear of all, other then him not remembering at all. "At first I thought you wanted to avoid the whole situation; when you invited Harry to come along with us, and then I thought it was because we were never alone, but now we are and you still haven't said anything."

"Sarah, I'm still unsure what I'm supposed to be saying or not saying anything about."

"You mean you don't remember what happened between us?" Sarah paused; she sure did. It had been magical beyond anything she imagined. The way he was with her, so gentle and patient. How he made her feel; so special, as if she were the only woman in the universe. "That night? You don't remember?"

"Sarah, apparently I don't, because if I did I wouldn't have this look on my face." The Doctor leaned against the wall of the TARDIS. "I'm sorry, Sarah, but I am still unclear about some things that happened before I regenerated, and I'm afraid what you're talking about happens to be one of those things."

"Never mind..." Sarah tried to chipper up; faking a smile the Doctor could see clean through. "It was nothing really; don't worry about it. I um.. I'm going to go look for Harry... Make sure he hasn't gotten lost or into any trouble."

"Are you lost or in any trouble?" The Doctor's question stopped Sarah at the door leading to the rest of the TARDIS. "Sarah Jane?"

"No, I'm neither... I'm fine." Sarah again forced a smile, then without further word, left the room.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hours Later Outside the TARDIS; Only moments inside**

"Well finally!" Harry Sullivan entered the control room where the Doctor was still larking about the console. He hadn't forgotten his cryptic conversation with Sarah, but still had no idea to what that brunette was going on about.

When he didn't respond to the male Earth being, Harry cleared his throat and added with his hands on his hip, "I thought I would never find my way back here. Your ship is enormous; I could wander around for days and never find either you or Miss Smith." Then with a slight pause he asked, "Speaking of; where is the old girl..? Got lost?"

"I thought she went looking for you." The Doctor finally looked up from the TARDIS console, with a raise of his brow. "She said that was where she was heading; she wanted to speak to you about something. Left quite a while ago."

"Well if she did, she never found me." Harry paused, watching as the Doctor thought for a moment, then pressed a few buttons on the scanner before him. "What are you doing with that thing?"

"I'm scanning for Sarah."

"Why?" Harry walked over to where the Doctor was, a smile on his face. "Afraid she might open a door and fall out?"

"No, but before she left to find you she was carrying on about something cryptic." The Doctor watched the video monitor as it scanned for Sarah. "She said it wasn't anything to worry about, but I'm thinking she may have fudged the truth a bit."

"And why would Miss Smith do that?"

"I don't know, Harry. Maybe I should ask her when I find her." The Doctor glanced back to Harry, just for a moment; his face paling when he turned back to find an image of Sarah laying unconscious on the floor in one of the many hallways. "And I just found her... Come on."

**Hallway of the TARDIS**

"Sarah! Sarah!" Running towards where Sarah lay, the Doctor knelt near the brunette taking her face into his hands; tapping it as he spoke. "Sarah, wake up... Sarah Jane, open your eyes..."

"What happened to her?" Harry walked around to the other side of Sarah and knelt down; his part in caring for the girl was taking her pulse. "Her pulse is weak... What caused this? Doctor, what's happened to her?"

"Oh Harry, stop asking such silly questions; I know about as much about what happened to her, or what caused this as you do." The Doctor tapped Sarah's face again but when he got the same response as before, which was nothing at all, he carefully lifted her into his arms. "We need to get her to the infirmary.. Come on, Harry."

**Infirmary**

"Oh... What.. Where am I?" A still dazed Sarah Jane opened her eyes; slowly at first, slightly jumping when she focused in on Harry who was almost nose to nose with her. "Oh God, Harry.."

"Sorry Miss Smith, I didn't mean to startle you."

"Startle me, you nearly scared the dickens out of me." Sarah paused to take a moment in assessing the situation. Last thing she remembered she was walking towards the library of the TARDIS, and the next she had Harry's one blue eye staring at her. "What happened?"

"I don't know, Sarah; you're going to have to tell me that one." The Doctor walked from where he stood staring at a tiny monitor. It was similar to one you would find in an Earth based hospital, with several other no Earth-like options. "I thought you were going to find Harry."

"I.. I was, but I..." Sarah rubbed her head, it didn't really hurt so much as feel foggy. "I was walking through the TARDIS looking for Harry; thought he might be in the library, and I don't know, everything just got so.. I don't know, I just blacked out."

"Do you know why you might have done that?"

"Why I Looked for Harry? Or why I blacked out?" Sarah smiled in an attempt to lighten the mood in the room, but when it didn't work she changed her tone and reasoning. "You know; I know what this is all about... I didn't eat anything today, so.."

"Your blood sugar's low." Harry opted in with his medical opinion, based on Sarah's information, then added, "You didn't eat, your sugar dropped and you fainted. Why if we get you something to eat now, you'll be all set."

"Somehow I don't think that's what happened."

"Well what do you mean?" Harry asked, offended. "Miss Smith just informed us she hadn't eaten, and in my medical opinion..."

"In your medical opinion without all the facts, Harry; yes, I would agree Miss Smith's passing out had everything to do with her sugar levels dropping." The Doctor paused, then added with a serious tone and expression, "But you don't have all the facts, Harry."

"And you do?" Sarah asked sheepishly as she sat fully up on the table. "How?"

"My TARDIS keeps a very good record of everything that takes place in it."

"It does?" Sarah asked as she brought her thumb to her mouth, biting on the tip. "Everything?"

"Even when we go to the loo?"

"Not now, Harry..." The Doctor looked to Harry with a roll of his eyes before turning back to Sarah. "Sarah, is there something you wish to tell me? Because while Harry was busy gawking at you I went through the logs pertaining to the time you collapsed and what happened to you before; it leads me to believe your collapse, although maybe pertaining to sugar levels, had nothing to do with you not eating.."

"Doctor, if Miss Smith says that's what happened, then that's what happened." Harry paused after coming to Sarah Jane's defense. "Why would she lie?"

"I don't know, you tell me." The Doctor turned the screen to Sarah Jane and Harry, waiting till the image of her walking through the corridors came on it. "Now I wasn't too concerned here; see where you're rubbing your stomach but..."

"Harry, leave..." The Doctor paused the image upon Sarah's command; her tone was harsh at first but the second time she requested Harry to leave with, "Harry, please leave..." it was softer.

"Miss Smith, I am a doctor and if something's wrong with you," Harry began, but realized it was no use. What Sarah needed to say, she needed to say without him being there. He quickly left with a low mumble of, "If you need me I'll be in the hall."

"So is this what I should have remembered?" the Doctor began to speak, then turned on the video this time with audio. Sarah watched herself as she walked along the TARDIS; looking down at her hand on her lower stomach.

_"Well fine mess we've gotten ourself into." Sarah cringed as she watched herself on the monitor. Had she known she was being watched she never would have been more careful with what she said. The Doctor watched as Sarah went on; her hand never leaving the lower part of her stomach."He doesn't even remember. It's alright, we don't need him anyway, do we? it's not as if he's the man who created you."_

"Created you..." The Doctor paused the monitor then asked. "Created who, Sarah?"

"Does it matter? You don't remember." Sarah went to stand, but he stopped her; he may not have remembered creating anything with her, but obviously from the way she was talking, as well as acting, he had. "You're not even the same man; what do you care?"

"But I am the same man, and I do care very much, Sarah."

"Then why can't you remember being with me?" Sarah felt her face flush; the spinning room had returned and her stomach was flip flopping. "Why don't you remember making love to me? Oh, I think I need to lie back down."

"Yes, I think so too." The Doctor helped Sara lie back down; now everything was clear to him, even though he still didn't remember the moment or participating in the act. It had to do something with that coma he was in on Metebelis 3; it had to. "Sarah, I think I need to get Harry."

"No.. He can't know this..."

"Sarah Jane Smith, do not argue with me on this." The Doctor's eyes were wide with anger as he spoke; anger with himself, or his former self, but not with Sarah. "Sarah, do you know how much danger you're in right now?"

"Danger?"

"I can't believe my previous self would do such a thing."

"Danger? Doctor, I'm pregnant, not in the middle of a war zone, and your previous self did it because... because he loved me..." Sarah paused, then covered her mouth. "Oh, and now I think I'm going to be ill."

"Come on then; let me get you to the loo.." The Doctor helped Sarah sit back up; his good intentions of getting her to the bathroom disappeared when she leaned over and let go on the floor of the TARDIS. Nothing to worry about if there wasn't a major amount of blood mixed in with both food and stomach acids. Another load of bile, blood and food and the Doctor, with no other choice, yelled out for help. "HARRY!"

**Moments later**

"No.."

"Sarah, be reasonable." The Doctor walked around the bed in Sarah's room where she lay, covered; it was a replica of her own room at home, like most of his other companions. "Sarah, I don't know what my former self was thinking, but you're vomiting blood..."

"She could have a stomach ulcer, Doctor; this may not have anything to do her pregnancy."

"Harry, not now..."

"No." Sarah brought her hand to her temple, she was tired and drained but there was no way she was going to let him do this to her. With or without physical strength, she was going to fight him tooth and nail. "I will not let you; I will not let you take my child from me. It's mine! Mine, you hear me... Mine."

"Sarah, there has never been a human-Time Lord conception before." The Doctor looked towards Harry, who was still standing in the doorway to the room. "Harry, help me here, and please not with Earthly medical advice. She's carrying a child created by a Time Lord, a child if not half human, or even if, will... if any complications arise... Harry, Time Lords don't die, we regenerate; do you get what I'm saying?"

"Miss Smith, as much as I wish I could side with you, I have to agree with the Doctor." Harry realized what a regenerating fetus would do to Sarah; each month she was carrying getting worse and worse. He walked over and sat on the bed near her. "And not because I want to, but because I have to. There's no telling what could happen to you; it very well might be a normal nine months with it being half human, or it may not, being it's also half Time Lord or whole Time Lord. Sarah, it could kill you."

"Harry, please, you're human." Sarah paused, laid her hand down and moved her hand to her stomach. "You even said it yourself it could be a stomach ulcer."

"It could be."

"Harry, I work long hours, I don't eat properly and I'm under a lot of stress."

"All the more reason I have to do this, Sarah." The Doctor paused. "If you were to miscarry, or begin the process of miscarrying, say in your fifth or sixth month, because of all you just said."

"Doctor please..."

"Sarah, do you know what a regenerating fetus that size would do to you?"

"Harry, I never thought about being a mother really; but this wasn't supposed to happen and it did." Sarah ignored the Doctor's question, her rational side telling her to listen to him, as her irrational side fought for the dominating win. "The Doctor, not this one.. He told me it wouldn't happen, but it did, and then he was taken you away from me. You understand don't you, Harry?"

"Doctor, if you're right abut the fetus regenerating, what you're about to do; won't it have the same effects?"

"Not this early in the pregnancy." The Doctor paused again. He didn't want to do this to Sarah, but he had no choice. "I will force it to regenerate twelve times; the maximum regenerations we Time Lords have. If it's half human, we will know after the first try with minimal discomfort to Miss Smith, if it's not..."

"Then Sarah will be in a lot of pain?"

"Yes."

"No, I won't let you." Sarah tried to sit up, but Harry stopped her. He knew he would hate himself for this, especially if in fact her unborn child happened to be half or all human. "Harry, let me go; Harry, please..."

"Oh bollocks, Sarah, I have no choice." The Doctor paused then walked over to the other side of the bed, uncovering Sarah who was still fighting with Harry for her freedom. "Sarah, listen to me."

"No!" Sarah began to kick her legs; twisting her body to the point where Harry had to wrap his arms around her; crossing his over hers in the front. "No Harry... Let me go! Please."

"Sarah, this has to be done, there's no other way. I don't know what I was thinking when I did this, but you can't have this child."

"No!" Sarah's eyes widened with horror as the Doctor placed his hand over her body. "What... No.. No, don't do this..."

"Sarah, don't argue with me; this is for the best."

"No.. No, it's not.. No!" Sarah clenched her teeth, and tried to push the Doctor's hand away; almost hyperventilating as a sudden sharp pain shot through her body. "No... No... Oh God.. Doctor, it hurts.. Stop.. Please..."

"Harry, hold her down." The Doctor placed his other hand over the one lying on top her body; here came the real test.

"No, you can't do this to me.. No... Stop!" Two more consecutive shots of pain; through her stomach around her back and down her legs. It was regenerating, just as he had suspected. Not half human after all...

"Sarah..."

"Oh God, stop! Stop!" Sarah's body lifted up off the bed; it was similar to being brought back to life with a pair of paddles, only the paddles were the Doctor's hands; lower on the body, and not near in the bringing anything back to life category. "No. Oh God, it hurts!"

"Sarah, please; the fetus is regenerating inside you..."

"Re.. Re.. oh God, no..." Sarah stiffened her body, letting out one final scream before her body began to shake; the pain so intense it caused her to blacked out in Harry's arms.

**The Following Day**

"We are not to speak of this." The Doctor stood near Sarah's bed, watching as Harry, who sat near the sleeping brunette, adjusted her blankets. He was angry; so very angry. It took everything he had in him not to hit the Doctor. "Harry...," the Doctor spoke the other man's name again, this time adding in a stern tone. "Harry, Sarah is is to never know this happened. She is never to know she was with child, and above all she is never to know she was with me. Do you understand me?"

"Yes." Harry refused to look at the Doctor, his concern only for Sarah and the ramifications the Time Lord's actions had on her, both physically and mentally. "Is she going to be alright? Physically? What you did to her; did it harm her body in anyway?"

"I don't know, Harry."

"Will she remember this?" Harry brushed some hair from Sarah Jane's face. "Or a better question, with you having taken these memories from her; is there any chance she will remember this?"

"I don't know."

"So we're the only two people on Earth, or otherwise, that know that this happened." Harry paused, hoping that Sarah would never remember this; even though he knew he would never forget. "Doctor?"

"Yes, Harry; we are the only ones who will ever know this."

"I can't believe.. I know you had to, but..." Harry stopped mid sentence, knowing anything he said after that would be to himself when he heard the door to Sarah's room close.


End file.
